Who knew?

Life is complicated. So the same day I was released from the hospital after surgery #2 we had more family drama. In the middle of the night after my mom helped me get up to pee she had what I can only describe as seizures and ended up in the ER and a subsequent stay in the hospital. 

They ran a bunch of tests and determined that she wasn't eating right, drinking enough water and was under too much stress. No shit! I still struggle with that being able to cause seizures but I'm not the one with a medical degree. 

So we're all home now and my incredible husband is doing everything for all of his. He truly is amazing and I know I will never be able to express my gratitude for all he's done for our family. 

Today was supposed to be a nice relaxing day. A high school friend of mine who happens to be an orthopedic nurse was coming over to help me shower. I may never underestimate the power of clean hair again. She also helped me shower the night before surgery #2 but this time was different. She unwrapped my bandages and for the first time I was able to see my surgery scar. 

Honestly, much better than I expected. She says it looks exactly the way you want it to. No funky smells, drainage or redness. I'm super excited about that. 

After the shower I was completely drained and it hit me suddenly like a ton of bricks! Fortunately she's seen it before and was able to bring me back before I full on passed out. She's my hero! With her and Frank coaching me on I was able to shakily hop from the bathroom to the bedroom. It felt like hours and a half marathon but damnit I made it!! Nothing like the fear of being the wet, nekkid fat girl on the floor to keep you moving! 

Worst pain ever!!!!

So yesterday was surgery #2. Originally planned on them removing the external fixator and putting in places and acres to fix the knee. 

Surprisingly I woke up to this. The Dr mentioned there was a chance of needing another fixator if the knee was more complicated than expected. Well apparently I made this one of the worst injuries the Dr has seen. The surgery ran LONGER than expected but on the up side the Dr got everything fixed that he wanted to. I was HEAVILY loaded with pain killers and pretty much missed all of Friday. Last night and this morning as the nerve block started to wear off I'm in pain. Severe pain. Worst pain ever. I almost think it's worse because the first surgery was fairly easy to recover from but this feels impossible. It's going to take everything I have to get through this. I REALLY want to return to TX and somewhat normal life but I know I have at least one more surgery ahead of me and this recovery is going to be HARD and painful. I appreciate all the love and support I can get. 

Shit happens...

I'm in PA helping my mom after my father's death 3 months ago. I wanted to get pictures of some equipment that he put up in the loft so we could sell it. So I was using a Gorilla ladder and apparently I didn't have it locked in right. I had my left food on the first step and went to step on the second with my right and the ladder collapsed. My left leg got stuck between the first and second step, twisted and broke. I was able to lower myself to the concrete floor but apparently I stepped on my broken leg causing even more damage.

I saw/heard the knee break in the twisting and then when I stepped it shoved the tibia (lower leg bone) under the top leg bone. There are bone pieces from the tibia and the cartilage of the knee is a mess but they won't know how bad until the swelling goes down. 

This first surgery I had on Tuesday just got the big bones separated and back in line so the soft tissue in the knee can get better. Second surgery (maybe in a week) puts rods & pins to fix the broken tibia and the knee cartilage. So I'm stuck at my mom's house in PA with my 5 yr old. My husband had to make an emergency trip here. My mother is stressed dealing with the loss of my father and the insanity of this situation and her and my husband have a knack for pissing each other off. 

Fortunately at the hospital I was a rockstar and was able to get around with a walker WAY faster than I anticipated and my medical team has been thrilled with my strength and progress. I was even released yesterday. THANK GOD I started working out and taking care of my health back in August or I would be totally screwed now.

Well yesterday was THE hardest day of all. Transitioning from the hospital to mom's house when I was already tired sucked. My muscles were sore and my mind was weak. For the first time I had several moments of fear. Fear of falling. Fear of failure. Just plain frozen in fear. That's not me. I'm not used to being stuck in my head anymore. I was trapped in my head when I was struggling with depression. I can not go back!!! I can not let this defeat me!!! So with the help of my husband and somewhat my mom I figured it out. Frank reminded me that I work out. Marissa has trained me for this. I know how to use my muscles and move my body better than I ever have. Humbling. My successes are measured by the ability to stand from a seated position, walk (controlled hopping really) and go potty. I feel like a child. Grateful for the strength I have learned from my MIM family. Both physically and mentally. Ironically I now understand "the mind will quit long before the body gives out". I'm grateful for all the love and support I get from those near and far. It helps remind me I am not alone.